We all carry ourselves with us wherever we go. We take along our wounds and bruises, our joys & sorrows. When we enter into a new relationship/friendship, if it is something deep and powerful, we tend to open up ourselves to the other person in ways that bring up all our inner landscape, our deepest longings and most painful corners.
There is no point in fighting who we are or who the other person is. Maybe that is the one lesson that is hardest to learn.
In my experience so far, I realize some things are way too important for me. And given all the pain and aggravation that I went through with my ex, I now know certain longings are even greater.
I don't know how this sounds and at the end of the day, it doesn't matter because it is what is is: In my next relationship, there is no way I could ever be with a man again that makes me feel less than his first priority in life. I need to feel I 'm No1. It's something I need in order to heal a deep-seated wound inside of me. It is also something I always offer when I 'm in love. I too give priority to the person I choose to be with.
I need to feel if I ever need him, he will be there for me, no matter what.
I need to know I can spend my Christmases with him and I won't be abandoned because there is a child somewhere that he believes needs him more.
I need to feel we share the same Vision in Life, same value system.
I long for us to create a home together from scratch. And work together on ambitious projects as a team, a team that takes on the world.
I want him to come into the relationship with no commitments that bind him to the past.
And so much more...
Different people have different needs and there is no point in debating this stuff. You just embrace each others' needs and desires and do your utmost to fulfil them or there is no point in being together. No point in fighting over it.
I know there are exceptions out there. Some people do come into a new relationship with a heavy past and somehow they still make it work. They can still be wholly available and wholly devoted to the new person in their lives by putting in order their affairs from the past- either before meeting them or as soon as they meet that special person.
Yes, that does happen occasionally. In such circumstances, who knows, it is within the realm of possibility that I could share my life with someone who' d been married before or even had a child.
It is all so very simple, how on Earth do we end up making it so hard on ourselves? We are all looking for someone to be happy with. We are all just longing for Endless Joy. It is a our birth right.
