There is someone throwing a party at the bar next door(downstairs) from my parents' apartment and the music is so loud I can't sleep.
That's OK. I slept for a bit early in the evening. That's how exhausted I was. But overall it's been a good day. I did some retail therapy and I met someone for coffee to discuss my Dimension Next project again.
The meeting was very fruitful, it gave me yet another interesting perspective on the entire project. The retail therapy was even more so.
I don't care what analysts have to say on the subject, retail therapy does wonders. Little wonders but still wonders. I left the shoe shop with a sense of elation. Say whatever you what about Marilyn Monroe but she did leave us some good quotes. She once said "Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world." SOOO true! A pair of stilettos and I 'm back on top of the world, in more ways than one. Well, I didn't buy stilettos this time but just saying... In fact, I have a couple of pairs of Wow stilettos I wish I could wear soon. I just don't know where. Somewhere.
In the past, I would wear high heels everyday & everywhere. Then a couple of years ago, I met this guy, my ex. With him, we took to the streets around Syntagma square during riots and walked the backstreets of Athens for miles & miles and so all of a sudden, I found myself buying flats. And somehow I got hooked. On the flats. Who would 've thought...
Eventually, the relationship ended but I still continued to wear my ballerinas. It's only now that I 'm getting back to feeling like a Stilletto Queen again. Moving on finally? Well, I guess it was long overdue. In fact, these past few days helped a lot in that respect.
My relationship with my ex ended officially 10 months ago but since then, even though he's been living in Germany, we' d been back in touch countless times. And each time our communication was... Well, let's just say we did not exactly talk about the weather. OK, OK, sometimes we did refer to it.
This time though it was different. I 'm not sure who got in touch first. I sent him an email to which he never replied yet a few days later he added me on Google +. When we did talk eventually he said he hadn't read that email. So he just felt like adding me as a way of getting in touch or did he read my email and didn't want to admit to it? Who knows.
The fact of the matter is what he shared with me hurt me deeply. I got sad, I cried, I got angry, I got disillusioned. A rollercoaster of very intense feeling that spanned four days. I told him that given the situation he was describing I could not possibly continue to be in touch. I told him calmly. Then I got furious thinking back to all the things he 'd said, all the promises of his undying love for me... I sent him a particularly angry text on Friday night. I hated him so much. But then a day later I emailed him a more subdued goodbye.
Now I feel like a death knell has finally been put to that entire period of my life, a period that spanned almost two years.
I cried a lot but now I 'm feeling better. I even got that free hug I was longing for. I went out with a new acquaintance over the weekend and he brought along a friend of his. This friend sensed the deep sense of sorrow that I was feeling and even though we knew each other only a couple of hours, he gave me a warm hug that was so incredibly healing. Since that moment, I felt much calmer, even hopeful. I don't hate my ex anymore. In fact, I 'm now focusing on some words he said in those brief moments we reconnected last week. He told me I should just move on. He said I was beautiful, smart & sexy and I should enjoy life, without babies and bullshit. That last part startled me because he had always defended his choice to have a child while married years ago. I was always the one who said babies is not something I long for. Did he finally come to understand that part of me? Perhaps.
I also thought back to something else. When I first met my ex, I was going through such a rough time emotionally. I had just returned to Athens from Paris where things hadn't worked out for me and my wings were clipped yet again. I felt disillusioned about Life and Love. I had given up on the idea of falling in love again. And yet it happened. I fell in love with my ex and it was so incredibly powerful.
Now I 'm thinking that was probably his greatest gift to me. He proved to me that Life goes on and Love comes to find you when you least expect it. So I choose to keep that in my heart.
Life goes on and falling in Love again is still a glorious possibility.
